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News

Gift Of Prophecy? Californians Glad They Voted To Keep Inmate Firefighters Enslaved

January 10, 2025 Rachana Aithal 0

CALIFORNIA — As Southern California wildfires stretch non-incarcerated fire crews thin, Democrats and Republicans alike are applauding their foresight in voting against Proposition 6, which would […]

Opinion: I’m Evacuating With My Custom Fantasy Tentacle Dildo And That’s IT

January 9, 2025 Azalea Morris 0

The Woke Snowflake Blue-Haired Microbangs Shaved Head SJW SJP Left keep posting “helpful evacuation packing lists,” and it’s frankly pissing me off. If this is […]

Opinion: Prisons MUST Be Abolished

December 9, 2024 Enabler Staff 0

LinkedIn Rolls Out New “Open To Fuck” Banner

November 24, 2024 Azalea Morris 0

WESTWOOD — LinkedIn use is on the rise, with seniors desperate to secure connections before graduating, but with a sparse job market, many students are […]

Sexy Randy

New Religion Course Taught by Boy Who Experienced Empathy For First Time After Shroom Trip

November 12, 2024 Sandall Tobias 0

WESTWOOD — After tripping balls at a Phish concert and realizing other people have feelings, fifth-year general studies major, Gunner Helloden, was offered a tenure-track […]

Project 2025 Announces “Pussylight Savings Time” Forcing Women To Set Back Their Menstrual Cycle Each Fall

November 10, 2024 Azalea Morris 0

Washington, D.C. — Project 2025 has added an innovative new pillar of conservatism to reclaim our nation: “Pussylight Savings Time,” which will forcibly set every […]

The Westwood Enabler Endorses Joe Biden For President

November 4, 2024 Paige Reed 0

Most presidential elections are, at their core, about two different visions of America. This one is different. This election calls into question the very existence […]

Twelve Bike Cops Injured, Two Dead After Attempt To Arrest Ackerman Flood

October 17, 2024 Enabler Staff 0

WESTWOOD — After Ackerman and half of campus has been flooded, the leader of UCLA’s bicycle strike force is being blamed for its failure to […]

Charli xcx And Troye Sivan To Host Sweat Tour At CS31 Lecture

October 16, 2024 Dana Badii 0

WESTWOOD — Charli xcx and Troye Sivan have announced one of the stops on their mutual Sweat Tour will be at the sweatiest venue in […]

Gene Block One Well-Worded Email Away From World Peace

May 20, 2024 Georgia McNeill 0

WESTWOOD — After sending multiple emails about the current “conflicts” happening both on campus and internationally, Gene Block is reportedly just one well-worded email away […]

Posts pagination

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  • UCPD Enlists California Highway Patrol to Boost Middling Police Violence Rates

    WESTWOOD — Following weeks of peace and safety on campus, UCPD has announced a partnership with the California Highway Patrol in an attempt to restore […]

  • Opinion: To Solve UCLA’s Financial Challenges, We Must Invest More Money Into Israel

    Hey guys. Westwood Enabler opinion writer Oiluj Knerf here. I’m a UCLA student just like you! I love my friends, I love my classes, and […]

  • UCLA Administration Goes On Strike to Protest AFSCME

    WESTWOOD — This past week, UCLA administration has bravely taken to the streets to protest the injustices committed by the “pesky” AFSCME labor union. “It’s […]

  • Winter Quarter Offers Every Goddamn Class But The Ones You Need For Your Degree

    WESTWOOD — UCLA recently announced a bold new plan to offer every single class for Winter 2026– except for the ones you need to graduate […]

  • Japanese Newborn Named Hernández Kiké

    KOBE, JAPAN — In response to the wave of Latino infants being named after Japan’s cultural exports such as Goku and Roki Sasaki, Japanese sports […]

Featured Authors

Grace McIntyre
  • UCLA Opens “B-ruining Lives” Resource Center For Student Anti-Wellbeing
  • Opinion: If You A Stressed Baddie Who Procrastinated Before Canvas Went Down, This One’s For You
  • A Letter To Prospective Student Tour Groups: I’m Better Than You
Zach Fischer
  • Backpacking Club Announces Trip To Public Affairs Building
  • UCLA Administration Goes On Strike to Protest AFSCME
  • Economists Worried As Daylight Savings Runs Out

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