WESTWOOD — After Ackerman and half of campus has been flooded, the leader of UCLA’s bicycle strike force is being blamed for its failure to handcuff the rampant waters and the unfolding death and destruction. “We kept shooting but it just wouldn’t stop,” said strike force Captain Doo Fuss, who struggled to pedal through three feet of Taco Bell shit water. “I haven’t done anything after being here for two months, I just kinda, bike. Fuck man, I was just about to get an AR-15.” At press time, Cpt. Fuss received 401k plus benefits at the LAPD.