WESTWOOD — LinkedIn use is on the rise, with seniors desperate to secure connections before graduating, but with a sparse job market, many students are resorting to displaying the new shiny green “Open to Fuck” banner on their profiles. “I’ve applied to hundreds of jobs and my resume keeps getting rejected by the AI reviewers, so I decided to take advantage of the fact that AI sex robots just aren’t quite up to par with the touch of a real woman yet,” said Kaylee Waters, as she unbuttoned her blouse just a bit in the Career Center Headshot Station. “After seeing the 12th ‘I’m so excited to announce I’ve accepted a full-time Management Consultant role at Deloitte’ on my feed, I just broke down. At this point, I am truly so excited to announce that I am “Open to Fuck.” Honestly, Hinge has been full of uggo freaks who think they can send me a rose recently, so this is kind of a two birds one stone situation.” At press time, Kaylee added her body count to the “Experience” section of her profile, receiving endorsements from several exes.
