Heartbreaking: Newborn Really Named Kyle
JACKSONVILLE, FL — New “boy mom” Karen Shields recently shocked her Facebook friends by announcing the birth of her terribly named son, Kyle. “When my […]
News
State Government Grants $5 Kohl’s Cash Stimulus To Fire Victims
WASHINGTON D.C. — Today, President Biden promised that all victims of the ongoing Southern California fires can expect to receive $5 Kohl’s Cash in their […]
Gift Of Prophecy? Californians Glad They Voted To Keep Inmate Firefighters Enslaved
CALIFORNIA — As Southern California wildfires stretch non-incarcerated fire crews thin, Democrats and Republicans alike are applauding their foresight in voting against Proposition 6, which would […]
Opinion: I’m Evacuating With My Custom Fantasy Tentacle Dildo And That’s IT
The Woke Snowflake Blue-Haired Microbangs Shaved Head SJW SJP Left keep posting “helpful evacuation packing lists,” and it’s frankly pissing me off. If this is […]
LinkedIn Rolls Out New “Open To Fuck” Banner
WESTWOOD — LinkedIn use is on the rise, with seniors desperate to secure connections before graduating, but with a sparse job market, many students are […]
New Religion Course Taught by Boy Who Experienced Empathy For First Time After Shroom Trip
WESTWOOD — After tripping balls at a Phish concert and realizing other people have feelings, fifth-year general studies major, Gunner Helloden, was offered a tenure-track […]
Project 2025 Announces “Pussylight Savings Time” Forcing Women To Set Back Their Menstrual Cycle Each Fall
Washington, D.C. — Project 2025 has added an innovative new pillar of conservatism to reclaim our nation: “Pussylight Savings Time,” which will forcibly set every […]
The Westwood Enabler Endorses Joe Biden For President
Most presidential elections are, at their core, about two different visions of America. This one is different. This election calls into question the very existence […]