WESTWOOD — Following flooding at Hedrick Hall this morning, residents have been commanded to find two of every animal through a divine email mandate from UCLA Housing. “We’re not technically supposed to have pets in the dorms, so the best I can do is to lure a bunch of squirrels away from the Hill with a BCafe sandwich. I hope God understands,” said first-year Biology student Noah Park, ushering cockroaches from the communal bathroom onto a Bird scooter. “The flooding’s supposed to last for 40 days and 40 nights, which should be around how long it takes to reach the bottom of the Hill from here.” At press time, a swarm of locusts had made the rat problem even worse in Rieber Court.
