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dorms

Roommates Nationwide Participate in “Never Leave Your Fucking Bed” Challenge

April 14, 2025 Gabe McNeill 0

WESTWOOD — According to the National Roommate Association, a dangerous new craze is sweeping the nation: the “Never Leave Your Fucking Bed” challenge. “HEYYYYYYY whatsgoinonguysitsyaboy […]

Dorm Resident Hospitalized After Automatic Toilet Flushes Prematurely

March 9, 2025 Zach Fischer 0

WESTWOOD — The sixth-floor communal bathroom of Sproul Cove was struck by tragedy Friday evening after a horrific flush-sensor malfunction in the second stall hospitalized […]

Alabamian Initiates Dorm Floorcest Movement In The Name Of Culture

May 29, 2024 Anonymous 0

WESTWOOD — First-year Alabamian and psychology major Cous N. Louver has sparked controversy for introducing a new trend among his peers: floorcest. “My entangled family […]

Silhouette of a person singing in the shower with a microphone.

Record Label Signs Hedrick Hall Shower Singer

November 17, 2023 Ella Cash 0

LA LA LAND — After a scramble for one of the most sought-after, up-and-coming artists, We The Best Music Group has secured a lucrative deal […]

“Let’s Work On That, Friend!” Roommate Can’t Shake Her Camp Counselor Energy

October 18, 2023 Meghan Mason 0

WESTWOOD — Second-year Education and Social Transformation major Jessica Thomas, better known as Lead Counselor Super Sparkles, came back to campus with a distinct new […]

Ask The Enabler: “Best Places To Hide A Vibrator In A Classic Triple?”

February 2, 2023 Melissa Beining 0

If a roommate questions why your portable charger is covered in white marks and has an odor, the safest bet is to blame it on […]

Nerds Take Over Covel Piano

January 4, 2023 Tyler Neufeld 0

COVEL COMMONS— The hearts, souls, and especially ears of residents of The Hill are being terrorized by the sounds emanating from the Covel Piano. “I […]

Haunted House On The Hill Just Classic Triple Inhabited By Three Men

October 20, 2022 Anya Bergstrom 0

WESTWOOD— In a whirlwind of festivity, the UCLA On-Campus Housing Council has decided to celebrate the spooky holiday season with their very own haunted house […]

UCLA Frat Issues Notes App Apology for Alleged Serial Sexual Assault

May 31, 2022 Azalea Morris 0

WESTWOOD — On Monday, a UCLA Fraternity was cornered into finally addressing their countless sexual assault allegations. Their method of addressing this serious issue was […]

Student Has A Blast At Virtual Study Abroad

May 24, 2022 Aidan Brooks 0

WESTWOOD — Due to the pandemic, second-year linguistics student Dan Gene-Attell willingly paid $20,000 to take online classes from Barcelona, Spain while remaining in his […]

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  • Man standing in a mirror maze, pointing to reflections of himself. He looks very bewildered.

    Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way

    HELL — Following a trip to the local mirror maze, resident genius Leon Noel scoffed at all the morons in there going the wrong direction. […]

  • Julio Frenk’s “Listening Exercise” Is Cuck Play Where He Listens To Me And My Lover Through The Door

    Dear Bruin Community: Since Julio began his listening exercise in February, I have met with 29 men and women, and more than 5,000 non-binary baristas, […]

  • Idiot Moron Claps At Poetry Reading

    WESTWOOD — This morning, fourth-year American literature and culture major Emily Yonicson humiliated herself and her family as she clapped, not snapped, at a local […]

  • Heartbreaking! Invisible Lesbian Unable To Celebrate Lesbian Visibility Week

    WESTWOOD — After attempting to participate in the LGBTQ Campus Resource Center’s event for Lesbian Visibility Week, one lesbian was deeply disappointed by the center’s […]

  • “Sperm Racing” Event to Take Place in Communal Bathroom Shower Stall

Featured Authors

mm
Gabe McNeill
  • Opinion: They Should Let The New Pope Have Gay Sex Once So He Can See If It Should Still Be Banned Or Not
  • Other Idiots in Mirror Maze Going The Wrong Way
  • Report: Straightest Woman You Know Won’t Stop Calling Boyfriend “Fruity”
Sam Rusk
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style
  • Time Flies: 2005 Baby Officially Queer Elder

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