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College life

Someone glaring at another person standing in a corner at a party

I Lived It: The Corner I Was Going To Stand In At The Party Got Taken

May 31, 2025 Dana Badii 0

As a Mysterious Fella, it’s important for me to have a nice corner to stand in at parties. There’s really nothing like holding a clammy […]

Admitted freshmen on the Janss Steps for Bruin Day

Bruin Day Tour Group Throws Peanuts At Students

April 12, 2025 Maggie Kwan 0

WESTWOOD — UCLA Campus Tours announced that as a Bruin Day special, each admitted students tour now comes with a free bag of peanuts for […]

Intrepid Daily Bruin Reporters Find Out Julio Frenk’s Favorite Color

April 7, 2025 Gabe McNeill 0

WESTWOOD — After a grueling investigation that involved bugging meeting rooms, undercover operations, and wiretapping, the Daily Bruin has made headline news announcing that they […]

UCLA Offers Permanent Study Abroad Program

April 6, 2025 Shayne Sweet and Zach Fischer 0

WESTWOOD — Today, UCLA’s administration announced its generous offering of a permanent study abroad program for international students. “As this God-chosen nation’s #1 public university, […]

Opinion: Each Study Buddy Should Count As A Body

March 17, 2025 Amanda Baquir 0

Having a study buddy is so intimate. You see, I have one, and we have this transactional arrangement where we meet late at night in […]

STEM Major Still Has To Google Unit Circle

March 13, 2025 Maggie Kwan 0

WESTWOOD — Third-year Applied Mathematics major William L’Hopital recently made sine waves last Friday when he was seen googling the unit circle in his upper-division […]

Opinion: Stop Asking To Switch Out Of Your Friday 8AM, Everyone Else Is Hungover Too

January 15, 2025 Olivia Maes 0

The start of the quarter is rough for all of us, let’s admit it. An end to a seemingly endless interlude from reality, our first […]

Opinion: I’m Evacuating With My Custom Fantasy Tentacle Dildo And That’s IT

January 9, 2025 Azalea Morris 0

The Woke Snowflake Blue-Haired Microbangs Shaved Head SJW SJP Left keep posting “helpful evacuation packing lists,” and it’s frankly pissing me off. If this is […]

Opinion: Final Exams Are Biased Against People With Tiny Bladders And Rectums

June 10, 2024 Harry Song 0

Yes, I’m a human. Yes, I pee and poo and shit and even fart. So why is this being held against me when it comes […]

Sad woman at party

Opinion: Stop Inviting Me To “Senior Send Offs”; I Feel Like I’m Being Put Down

June 5, 2024 Sam Haines 0

Posts pagination

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  • A white boy and Asian girl standing outside Marugame Udon

    White Boy With Asian Girlfriend Too Excited To Celebrate AAPI Month

    WESTWOOD — After making yet another joke about “sucking balls” while ordering boba, first-year Global Studies major Brayden Smith made an Instagram post where he […]

  • Embarrassing! Student Doesn’t Have Outfit For Victorian French Gothic Hyperpop Themed Fundrager

    WESTWOOD — This weekend, civil engineering freshman James Baeseck was humiliated as he failed to show up in theme to the unsustainable fashion club’s Victorian […]

  • Report: Never Trust How You Feel About Your Life From 12AM To 11:59PM

    WESTWOOD — A new study from UCLA’s Student Anxiety and Depression (SAD) laboratory recommends to never trust anything you think about your life from 12:00 […]

  • Secretary of Defense Announces That Only The “Boy Lesbians” Will Be Eligible for Future Drafts

    WASHINGTON, D.C. — Commenting on the draft eligibility of American women, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth announced that only the “boy lesbians” would be eligible. […]

  • Opinion: The Ackerman Third Floor Gay Cruising Space Should Be A Designated Cultural Heritage Site

    Dear Julio Frenk, UCLA has been under a lot of controversy lately. The encampments and the mob attack on them, the cops everywhere, deportations, budget […]

Featured Authors

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Gabe McNeill
  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes
  • Opinion: The Ackerman Third Floor Gay Cruising Space Should Be A Designated Cultural Heritage Site
  • Five Reasons Why I Didn’t Ruin The Vibe By Throwing Up In De Neve
Sam Rusk
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style
  • Time Flies: 2005 Baby Officially Queer Elder

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