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Month: April 2018

BREAKING: USAC Candidate Skirball Fire Sanctioned For Unsafe Campaigning

April 30, 2018 Jack Lyons 0

WESTWOOD — The undergraduate student government election board issued a sanction Monday. Skirball Fire, a candidate running for general representative, was sanctioned for re-erupting in the […]

Former UCLA Econ Major Forced To Settle For Entry-Level Job With Poor Health Benefits

April 27, 2018 Ross Rosenthal 0

PHOENIX, AZ — The Enabler recently did a profile on former UCLA economics student Joshua Rosen, who had decided to drop out of UCLA. Unfortunately, […]

Bruin Democrats Release Diss Track Denouncing Kanye West

April 26, 2018 Brian McReynolds 0

WESTWOOD — Following Kanye West’s reiteration of his support for President Donald Trump on Twitter this week, Bruin Democrats at UCLA swiftly denounced the rapper’s political […]

Taking Action: When This Man Heard About the Waffle House Shooting, He Copied and Pasted All of the Lyrics to John Lennon’s “Imagine” on His Facebook Timeline

April 24, 2018 Brian McReynolds 0

It seems like there’s a mass shooting every week in America, each followed by little change. People offer their ‘thoughts and prayers’ and argue about […]

BREAKING: Westwood Neighborhood Council Sends Troops To Occupy UCLA

April 14, 2018 Jack Lyons 0

WESTWOOD — In a surprising act that sent shockwaves across the country, The Westwood Neighborhood Council sent armed troops to occupy the sovereign UCLA campus this […]

Amazing! This Magic 8 Ball Pinpoints Exactly How You’ll Ruin Your Life!

April 12, 2018 Alex Kukoff 0

  Hear hear, lads and ladettes! After decades of helpless submission to fate’s cruel game of chance, scientists and toymakers alike have designed a Magic […]

BREAKING: Freshman’s Virginity Still Going Strong

April 12, 2018 Ross Rosenthal 0

WESTWOOD — It’s spring quarter, and somehow, local freshman James Rosenberg’s virginity is still intact. “I knew it was going to take some time, but […]

Nancy Pelosi Had Relaxing Weekend Screaming Into Abyss

April 12, 2018 Nathan Glovinsky 0

WASHINGTON, D.C. — After working around the clock to oppose the Republican party’s legislative agenda, sources close to minority leader Nancy Pelosi say she had a […]

Helpful Gym Regular Corrects Newcomer’s Form

April 12, 2018 Drew Muxlow 0

WESTWOOD — Last night at B-Fit, freshman Rodney Caldwell was reportedly using the tricep machine without properly bending his knees, but business economics major Brock […]

No Picture

Area Man Spins Alcoholism Into Funny Anecdote

April 12, 2018 Brian McReynolds 0

WESTWOOD—Earlier today UCLA student Scott Arnedt told his a friends a funny story that could be completely attributed to his debilitating alcoholism. “Last night I […]

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