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Articles by Drew Muxlow

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About Drew Muxlow
“Last name ever, first name greatest. Like a sprained ankle boy ain’t nothing to play with.” -Maya Angelou

South Campus Closed After Inverted Fountain Demands Human Sacrifice

October 2, 2019 Drew Muxlow 0

WESTWOOD — Last Friday evening, several students reported that the inverted fountain was ceaselessly echoing an ominous incantation. Local fraternity member, Chet Charles, noticed it […]

Quirky Professor Asks For “Bueller” While Taking Attendance

May 6, 2019 Drew Muxlow 0

WESTWOOD — At 8:00 AM this morning, physics professor Dr. Gilbert Krenshaw made a reference to the movie Ferris Bueller’s Day Off while taking attendance by […]

BREAKING: UCLA Entrepreneur Bought Stocks

April 15, 2019 Drew Muxlow 0

WESTWOOD — Second-year business economics major Kevin Fisher was just reported to have “moved his assets” from his savings account into stocks. “I thought Kevin […]

Local Redditor Successfully Disproves God’s Existence

March 25, 2019 Drew Muxlow 0

WESTWOOD — Church attendance across the United States has completely halted after a local atheist, under the username “yungkarlm4rx420,” posted an anti-religious picture on Reddit. […]

White Freshman Takes Huge Risk With Ethnic-Sounding Entrée

December 19, 2018 Drew Muxlow 0

WESTWOOD — Yesterday evening, caucasian first-year Ezra Bloss got the Salvadorian pupusas at De Neve dining hall. “I’ve never felt more attacked in my life,” […]

Seven Cute Christmas Gift Ideas Inspired by Animal Crossing

December 19, 2018 Drew Muxlow 0

1. Crocheted Bell Bag — This gift idea is perfect for anyone who is short on cash, but has plenty of time and crocheting experience! […]

Kid In Suit Jacket Goes Entire Lecture Without Volunteering His Opinion

December 7, 2018 Drew Muxlow 0

WESTWOOD — Early Tuesday morning, suit jacket-clad business economics-major Greg Whitfield went a full two hours in his psychology class without stating his beliefs on […]

Huge Upset: Avengers Infinity War Outperforms Amy Schumer Movie

May 7, 2018 Drew Muxlow 0

HOLLYWOOD — Critics’ expectations were defied this week when Avengers: Infinity War brought in more money than Amy Schumer’s I Feel Pretty. “I’m extremely surprised […]

Helpful Gym Regular Corrects Newcomer’s Form

April 12, 2018 Drew Muxlow 0

WESTWOOD — Last night at B-Fit, freshman Rodney Caldwell was reportedly using the tricep machine without properly bending his knees, but business economics major Brock […]

Bruin Democrats Add Santa Claus To List Of White Supremacists

December 22, 2017 Drew Muxlow 0

WESTWOOD — In a club meeting this week, Bruin Democrats at UCLA unanimously agreed to add another name to their list of white supremacists: Santa […]

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