HOLLYWOOD — Critics’ expectations were defied this week when Avengers: Infinity War brought in more money than Amy Schumer’s I Feel Pretty. “I’m extremely surprised and disappointed that a movie starring Robert Downey Jr, Chris Hemsworth, Mark Ruffalo, Chris Evans, Scarlett Johansson, Benedict Cumberbatch, Elizabeth Olsen and others was able to attract more viewers than me and my friends!” Schumer stated in a recent Buzzfeed Youtube interview. “It just disgusts me that we live in a society that would rather see hyper-masculine violence than a woman who actually loves herself. If the movie industry actually cared about women, they would combat this systematic misogyny by raising my salary to the $1.2 billion that The Avengers made.” At press time, Amy Schumer was taking notes on Tony Stark and Dr. Strange’s banter and trying to rework it into “her own style”.
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“Last name ever, first name greatest. Like a sprained ankle boy ain’t nothing to play with.” -Maya Angelou