Man Who Hasn’t Washed Jeans in Three Weeks Mocks Met Gala Outfits

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WESTWOOD—Sources close to the scene report that Dave Sanders, a man who has not washed his jeans in three weeks, spent four hours mocking the outfits worn at last night’s Met Gala. “I don’t know where people get off on this high-fashion art crap and divine inspiration, but there’s nothing arty about Katy Perry covering her rack in a bunch of dead pigeons,” Sanders said while a string of hot cheese fell onto his fraying pants. “That sexy nun look with Rihanna was kind of hot though.” At press time, Sanders was organizing his thoughts into a Facebook post, wincing slightly as the combined odors of his jeans and expired Hot Pockets began to permeate the room.