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Articles by Alex Kukoff

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About Alex Kukoff
Deactivated One Direction Stan Account. For bookings: @akukoff

J.K. Rowling Announces on Twitter that John Wooden is Gay

November 26, 2018 Alex Kukoff 0

WESTWOOD – Beloved fantasy author J.K. Rowling turned to Twitter this morning to announce that  deceased UCLA basketball coach John Wooden is gay. “I’m so […]

Students Nervously Wonder How CEC Will Fuck It Up This Time

September 16, 2018 Alex Kukoff 0

WESTWOOD – Following a well-received announcement that CupCaKKe and Charli XCX will be headlining this year’s BruinBash concert, students at the University of California, Los […]

Study: Vegetables Don’t Eat Themselves

May 24, 2018 Alex Kukoff 0

WESTWOOD — A groundbreaking study conducted by the University of California, Los Angeles has concluded that vegetables do not, in fact, eat themselves. “We observed […]

Point: I’m Not Your Waifu, You Fucking Creep / Counterpoint: Then Why Is Your Face On My Body-Pillow?

May 23, 2018 Alex Kukoff 0

Point: I’m Not Your Waifu, You Fucking Creep By: Ashley Jacobs Listen. Attraction is natural. Everyone, and I do mean everyone, has wanted to fuck […]

Man Who Hasn’t Washed Jeans in Three Weeks Mocks Met Gala Outfits

May 8, 2018 Alex Kukoff 0

WESTWOOD — Sources close to the scene report that Dave Sanders, a man who has not washed his jeans in three weeks, spent four hours […]

Amazing! This Magic 8 Ball Pinpoints Exactly How You’ll Ruin Your Life!

April 12, 2018 Alex Kukoff 0

  Hear hear, lads and ladettes! After decades of helpless submission to fate’s cruel game of chance, scientists and toymakers alike have designed a Magic […]

Kid Shocked To Discover Parents Are Actually Married

April 12, 2018 Alex Kukoff 0

LOS ANGELES — In a shocking turn of events, local six-year-old Aiden Thomas recently discovered his parents, previously thought to just be very good friends, are […]

Occasional Affirmation Just Enough To Sustain Professor/Student Fantasy

April 12, 2018 Alex Kukoff 0

WESTWOOD — An offhand affirmation recently imparted by UCLA biochemistry professor Keith Abrams to one of his students was just enough to sustain the delusional fantasy […]

Area Woman Unsure If Man Cute Or If She Just Bored

March 26, 2018 Alex Kukoff 0

WESTWOOD — Sources close to the scene report that area woman Bethany Watson is having a difficult time deciding if her male friend is cute or […]

Dumb Opinion Definitely Not Worth Discussion Points

March 26, 2018 Alex Kukoff 0

WESTWOOD — After careful study, researchers at the University of California, Los Angeles have determined that expressing your dumb opinion is definitely not worth the discussion […]

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