Students Nervously Wonder How CEC Will Fuck It Up This Time
WESTWOOD – Following a well-received announcement that CupCaKKe and Charli XCX will be headlining this year’s BruinBash concert, students at the University of California, Los […]
Articles by Alex Kukoff
Study: Vegetables Don’t Eat Themselves
WESTWOOD — A groundbreaking study conducted by the University of California, Los Angeles has concluded that vegetables do not, in fact, eat themselves. “We observed […]
Point: I’m Not Your Waifu, You Fucking Creep / Counterpoint: Then Why Is Your Face On My Body-Pillow?
Point: I’m Not Your Waifu, You Fucking Creep By: Ashley Jacobs Listen. Attraction is natural. Everyone, and I do mean everyone, has wanted to fuck […]
Man Who Hasn’t Washed Jeans in Three Weeks Mocks Met Gala Outfits
WESTWOOD — Sources close to the scene report that Dave Sanders, a man who has not washed his jeans in three weeks, spent four hours […]
Amazing! This Magic 8 Ball Pinpoints Exactly How You’ll Ruin Your Life!
Hear hear, lads and ladettes! After decades of helpless submission to fate’s cruel game of chance, scientists and toymakers alike have designed a Magic […]
Kid Shocked To Discover Parents Are Actually Married
LOS ANGELES — In a shocking turn of events, local six-year-old Aiden Thomas recently discovered his parents, previously thought to just be very good friends, are […]
Occasional Affirmation Just Enough To Sustain Professor/Student Fantasy
WESTWOOD — An offhand affirmation recently imparted by UCLA biochemistry professor Keith Abrams to one of his students was just enough to sustain the delusional fantasy […]
Area Woman Unsure If Man Cute Or If She Just Bored
WESTWOOD — Sources close to the scene report that area woman Bethany Watson is having a difficult time deciding if her male friend is cute or […]
Dumb Opinion Definitely Not Worth Discussion Points
WESTWOOD — After careful study, researchers at the University of California, Los Angeles have determined that expressing your dumb opinion is definitely not worth the discussion […]
So Cute! When This High Schooler Didn’t Have A Date To Prom, Her Best Friend’s Dad Offered to Spend the Night with Her in His Basement Instead!
CLEVELAND, OH — Prom can be a super sad, stressful time for high-schoolers who don’t have dates. But when senior Becca Martin found herself without a […]