Study: Vegetables Don’t Eat Themselves
WESTWOOD—A groundbreaking study conducted by the University of California, Los Angeles has concluded that vegetables do not, in fact,…
Man Who Hasn’t Washed Jeans in Three Weeks Mocks Met Gala Outfits
WESTWOOD—Sources close to the scene report that Dave Sanders, a man who has not washed his jeans in three weeks,…
Amazing! This Magic 8 Ball Pinpoints Exactly How You’ll Ruin Your Life!
Hear hear, lads and ladettes! After decades of helpless submission to fate’s cruel game of chance, scientists and toymakers alike…
Kid Shocked To Discover Parents Are Actually Married
LOS ANGELES—In a shocking turn of events, local six-year-old Aiden Thomas recently discovered his parents, previously thought to just be…
Occasional Affirmation Just Enough To Sustain Professor/Student Fantasy
WESTWOOD—An offhand affirmation recently imparted by UCLA biochemistry professor Keith Abrams to one of his students was just enough to…
Area Woman Unsure If Man Cute Or If She Just Bored
WESTWOOD – Sources close to the scene report that area woman Bethany Watson is having a difficult time deciding if…
Dumb Opinion Definitely Not Worth Discussion Points
WESTWOOD – After careful study, researchers at the University of California, Los Angeles have determined that expressing your dumb opinion…
So Cute! When This High Schooler Didn’t Have A Date To Prom, Her Best Friend’s Dad Offered to Spend the Night with Her in His Basement Instead!
CLEVELAND, OH – Prom can be a super sad, stressful time for high-schoolers who don’t have dates. But when senior…
Christian Fraternities Prepare for Surge in Pledges
WESTWOOD — Citing the UCLA Interfraternity Council’s unanimous decision to ban in-house frat parties involving alcohol, UCLA’s Christian fraternities are currently…