White Freshman Takes Huge Risk With Ethnic-Sounding Entrée

WESTWOOD — Yesterday evening, caucasian first year Ezra Bloss got the Salvadorian pupusas at De Neve dining hall. “I’ve never felt more attacked in my life,” Bloss stated, sipping from his fourth glass of water, “Why would Salvadoria make food that physically assaults your mouth? Other cultures are so stupid.” At press time, Bloss was seen formally changing his major to business-economics.

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“Last name ever, first name greatest. Like a sprained ankle boy ain’t nothing to play with.” -Maya Angelou