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Month: December 2018

P: Marijuana Is A Gateway Drug That Leads To Lethargy And Memory Loss / CP: If You Didn’t Want A Hit You Could’ve Just Said So

December 28, 2018 Griffin Stout 0

Point: Marijuana Is A Gateway Drug That Leads To Lethargy And Memory Loss By: Lucas Thompson Marijuana is classified as a Schedule 1 drug and has […]

National Bestfriend Day Cancelled, She Knows What She Did

December 28, 2018 Griffin Stout 0

  WASHINGTON, D.C. — As the nation enters the peak of holiday season, Gabrielle Langli, Director of the Bureau of Celebration and National Holidays, has declared […]

Colored Pencils To Be Renamed Pencils Of Color

December 28, 2018 Nicole Corona Diaz 0

WESTWOOD —  After attending her first lecture of Gender Studies 103: Knowledge, first-year undeclared major Brittney Smith took the first step towards enacting tangible change, by […]

War On Christmas Death Toll Climbs to 7,000

December 24, 2018 Brian McReynolds 0

WASHINGTON, DC — After Gretchen Vandermint suffered a massive heart attack when a passerby wished her a happy holiday, the War on Christmas has officially claimed […]

White Freshman Takes Huge Risk With Ethnic-Sounding Entrée

December 19, 2018 Drew Muxlow 0

WESTWOOD — Yesterday evening, caucasian first-year Ezra Bloss got the Salvadorian pupusas at De Neve dining hall. “I’ve never felt more attacked in my life,” […]

Meteorologists Struggle to Name New Hurricanes

December 19, 2018 Alice Wong 0

MIAMI, FL — Rising global temperatures accompanied increased numbers of named storms this hurricane season, pushing storm-naming techniques into the center of meteorological debate. “If […]

Legal Pad User Confident In Superiority To Rest Of Class

December 19, 2018 Carl Hatch 0

WESTWOOD — Last week, the entire Life Science 15 lecture hall watched in admiration as first-year student Trip McCoy distinguished himself as being head-and-shoulders above the […]

Seven Cute Christmas Gift Ideas Inspired by Animal Crossing

December 19, 2018 Drew Muxlow 0

1. Crocheted Bell Bag — This gift idea is perfect for anyone who is short on cash, but has plenty of time and crocheting experience! […]

P: Save the Bees! / CP: I’m Deathly Allergic

December 19, 2018 Mackenzi Elias 0

P: Save the Bees! By: Sasha Ellers, CALPIRG Chair Hello! Can I interest you in pledging CALPIRG to save the bees? There are millions dying […]

UCLA Housing Surprised To Learn Elevators Need Permits

December 19, 2018 Max Flora 0

WESTWOOD — The UCLA Housing administration was astonished to learn on Friday that the Hill’s elevators do, in fact, need permits. “It just completely slipped […]

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