The Westwood Enabler
  • Home
  • News
    • Campus
    • National
    • International
  • Opinion
  • A&E
  • Sports
  • Graphics
    • News In Pictures
    • Infographics
  • Life
  • About
    • Staff
    • Join
    • Contact

Articles by Carl Hatch

About Carl Hatch
Carl Hatch is from Long Beach, California, or more appropriately, Strong Beach. He has also seen the video "Llamas With Hats" and The Walking Dead, so don't even ask.

Father-Son Fishing Trip Goes Sour When Both Realize Fishing Sucks

October 7, 2019 Carl Hatch 0

LAKE MICHIGAN — Last week off the shore of Lake Michigan, a father-son fishing trip took a turn for the worse when they realized that […]

Study: Schrodinger’s Cat Feels Dead and Alive, Experts Diagnose Depression

August 14, 2019 Carl Hatch 0

BERLIN — In a groundbreaking study, a coalition of physicists and mental health experts have designated the simultaneous dead and alive condition of Schrodinger’s Cat […]

Iceberg Unhappy With Portrayal In Titanic

May 22, 2019 Carl Hatch 0

ARCTIC CIRCLE — Last week, Paramount Pictures received a complaint from the iceberg that sank the RMS Titanic, stating dissatisfaction with its cameo in James Cameron’s […]

New Clothing Brand “Supremer” To Cater To Hyperbeasts

April 23, 2019 Carl Hatch 0

FAIRFAX DISTRICT — Last weekend, hundreds of self-proclaimed not hypebeasts, but “Hyper-Beasts,” lined up by a Melrose storefront in anticipation of new clothing brand “Supremer,” unaffiliated […]

New Anti-Homeless Benches Just Giant Metal Spikes

April 18, 2019 Carl Hatch 0

LOS ANGELES — In response to increasing numbers of homeless people, city officials yesterday finished the first installation of their project to redesign anti-homeless benches, […]

YRL Mountain Lion Diverts Attention From Powell Cat

April 2, 2019 Carl Hatch 0

WESTWOOD — After a mountain lion was noticed taking residence in the bushes adjacent to Young Research Library (YRL), many students have taken to the […]

Public Affairs Professor’s Mistresses Make Affairs Public

April 2, 2019 Carl Hatch 0

WESTWOOD — Last week, adjunct Public Affairs professor Nathan Bradley was surprised mid-lecture when his mistresses stormed into the hall and publicly announced his many […]

Area Man Doesn’t Skate, Dies

March 5, 2019 Carl Hatch 0

LOS ANGELES — Yesterday, area man John Thacher dropped dead moments after his condemnation of skateboards, not taking heed of the ramifications indicated by the […]

Nigerian Princes Sue Yahoo! For Defamation

March 1, 2019 Carl Hatch 0

LAGOS — Former internet giant Yahoo! is facing a lawsuit from princes in Nigeria, who claim Yahoo!’s handling of the “Nigerian Prince” email scam has […]

Classics Department Discovers Name of Victory Goddess “Nike” Just Short For “Nichael”

February 27, 2019 Carl Hatch 0

WESTWOOD — Following the discovery of a hidden vault in Athens, scholars of the renowned UCLA Department of Classics made a breakthrough concerning the “Winged […]

Posts navigation

1 2 »

Featured Authors

mm
Lucas Humel
  • Fetishist Senator Gravely Misunderstands U.S.’ Inflation Problem
  • Undercover With The UCPD Scooter Squad
  • Trend Watch! These Fuckin’ Things

ARCHIVES

RECOMMENDED

  • UCLA’s Final Offer: Replace All TAs With This Cute Widdle Guy

    December 14, 2022 0
  • Opinion: We Need A Bumble Where I Don’t Have To Message First

    December 13, 2022 0
  • Undercover With The UCPD Scooter Squad

    December 12, 2022 0
  • Trend Watch! These Fuckin’ Things

    December 8, 2022 0
  • Financial Aid Office Suggests Trying Ramen

    December 7, 2022 0
FOLLOW US
  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Instagram
  • LinkedIn
ARCHIVES

Copyright © 2023 | WordPress Theme by MH Themes