WESTWOOD — Following the discovery of a hidden vault in Athens, scholars of the renowned UCLA Department of Classics made a breakthrough concerning the “Winged Goddess of Victory,” known to many as “Nike.” “One of the texts our research team found in the vault describes in detail the circumstances surrounding the birth of the goddess, noting that Pallas and Styx originally named the goddess ‘Nichael,’” said head researcher Darlene Baker, who was recently awarded $5 for her absolutely critical findings. “It is important to note that ‘Nike,’ her nickname, is to be pronounced similar to ‘hike’ or ‘like,’ as opposed to ‘spiky.’” Retail giant Nike has taken interest in these claims, for if they are validated by other scholars, the company will have to go through major rebranding.
