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Month: February 2019

Report: Dianne Feinstein Bullied By Senator As Child

February 28, 2019 Jay Varhula 0

WASHINGTON — Following a viral video last week that showed her bullying young children, a report has surfaced that Senator Dianne Feinstein (D – CA) […]

Barney’s Beanery Begins Weekly Mahjong Night

February 27, 2019 Nathan Glovinsky 0

WESTWOOD — Citing the success of recurring weekly events like “Karaoke Night” and “Trivia Night,” the management of Barney’s Beanery announced last Monday that the […]

Classics Department Discovers Name of Victory Goddess “Nike” Just Short For “Nichael”

February 27, 2019 Carl Hatch 0

WESTWOOD — Following the discovery of a hidden vault in Athens, scholars of the renowned UCLA Department of Classics made a breakthrough concerning the “Winged […]

Op-Ed: John Wooden Statue Outside Pauley Pavilion Should Be Made of Wood

February 25, 2019 Trevor Willow 0

Every day during my walk down Bruinwalk from the Hill to campus, I see the statue of John Wooden outside Pauley Pavilion and look at […]

A$AP Rocky Changes Name To “Whenever’s Most Convenient” Rocky

February 19, 2019 Jay Varhula 0

LOS ANGELES — At 8:00 AM Monday morning, prolific Harlem rapper A$AP Rocky called a press conference to announce his new stage name: Whenever’s Most Convenient […]

Aww! Man Celebrates Valentine’s Day by Making Love to Capitalism

February 13, 2019 Sam Mallari 0

Johnny Richardson, a 21-year-old Westwood resident, woke up fresh-faced with an extra spring in his step and walked to his local grocery store to ring […]

Saint Valentine Still Not Sure How He Got Caught Up In This Whole Thing

February 13, 2019 Max Flora 0

HEAVEN — Although he was venerated by the Church for his contributions to chivalry and courtly love, Saint Valentine is not really sure what he […]

Ted Lieu Voted Sexiest Man Alive By Bruin Democrats

February 12, 2019 Jack Lyons 0

WESTWOOD — At the club’s most recent policy meeting, members of Bruin Democrats unanimously voted California Representative Ted Lieu the “sexiest man alive,” the group’s […]

Introducing Murry Bartow: Interim Men’s Basketball Head Coach

February 12, 2019 Drew Kreeft 0

WESTWOOD — After firing Steve Alford earlier this year following a particularly ugly start to the season for the Bruins’ men’s basketball team, the school […]

Kerckhoff to Begin Marketing New “Adderall Blend”

February 11, 2019 Aileen Carey 0

WESTWOOD — In light of declining sales for their signature cold brew coffee beverage last quarter, Kerckhoff Coffee House has begun testing a marketing campaign […]

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