LOS ANGELES — At 8:00 AM Monday morning, prolific Harlem rapper A$AP Rocky called a press conference to announce his new stage name: Whenever’s Most Convenient Rocky, or WMC Rocky for short. “I feel like I’ve reached a point in my career where I don’t have to rush things anymore,” said WMC Rocky as he leaned back into the La-Z-Boy recliner he had delivered to the press conference ahead of time. “Doing things A$AP worked well for me in the past, but as far as I’m concerned, it’s nothing but smooth sailing from here on out for this guy. It’s time to relax.” When asked to clarify the meaning behind the original A$AP abbreviation, WMC Rocky expressed his annoyance at any confusion surrounding its definition. “Man, I’ve been dealing with this shit ever since [my first mixtape]. I don’t know why people assume A$AP stands for ‘Always $trive And Prosper.’ It’s ‘As $oon As Possible!’ That should be obvious! Go ahead, send a work-related email to anyone in A$AP Mob. See how fast they write back. I dare you.” The rapper was later heard asking his visibly upset publicist to chill out, while making sure to emphasize his request’s lack of urgency.
About Jay Varhula 11 Articles
The latest in a long line of miners, Jay stumbled upon the Westwood Enabler after accidentally mining through the floor into one of their meetings. In exchange for several precious stones, the Enabler agreed to hire him as a writer. Jay's hobbies include: mining for rare stones and metals, singing chanties about the miner's life, and pet photography.