Coronavirus Bad Everybody Sick Oh No
LOCATION — Today at a time and place a person said words about coronavirus being bad oh no. “Coronavirus very bad! Sick! Get you sick, […]
This Day in History
Royce Hall Introduces Night Royce
WESTWOOD — In an unprecedented move of unclear motive, UCLA officials announced that Royce Hall will be opening its doors to students during the wee […]
MIT Researchers Develop Method For Teeth To Get Sunburnt
CAMBRIDGE, MA — In a scientific breakthrough, researchers at MIT have developed a mixture which, upon consumption, allows teeth to develop severe sunburns. “Why? Because […]
Area Douche Identifies With TV Anti-Hero
WESTWOOD — In what onlookers have described as a “display of pure originality,” local douchebag Jake Gordonsky revealed last Friday that he totally identifies with […]
Gene Block Declares Victory In Iowa
DES MOINES — In the midst of the confusion surrounding the Iowa Democratic presidential caucus’ final results, UCLA chancellor and full-time heartthrob Gene Block has […]
Iowa To Adopt “Eenie-Meenie-Miney-Moe” Voting System
DES MOINES — In response to widespread criticism of its recent caucus, the Iowa Democratic Party has announced that they will be transitioning to an […]
Baby Yoda Arrested For Tax Evasion
CHICAGO — Late last Monday evening, America’s little green sweetheart, Baby Yoda, was arrested outside his Chicago mansion for alleged tax evasion. The IRS, aided […]
The Sexiest, I Mean The Smartest Youth Climate Activists
The time for climate action is here. As our globe begins to perish, the push to adopt greener solutions has been led by sexy children […]
Facebook Post Of Crying Lady Liberty Prevents War With Iran
PORTLAND, OR — The nation breathed a collective sigh of relief on Tuesday when area mom Sharon Johnson posted a JPEG of the Statue of […]
Bald Eagle Buys Wig
ROCKPORT, WA — Visitors at the Skagit River Bald Eagle Interpretive Center report spotting a bald eagle flying near the Center wearing a fashionable wig. […]