WESTWOOD — Amid widespread speculation over which artist will be headlining UCLA’s Bruin Bash, exciting information has come to light: the 2022 edition of the festival will include actual bashing. “As students enter, holders of floor tickets will be provided a handsome club with which they will be permitted to bash whomever they care to bash,” warned Bruin Bash organizer Danger Smith, an unnerving glint in his otherwise friendly eyes. “Bowl ticket holders will be given smaller clubs. I wanted to go full-sized for everyone, but you know, budget cuts.” After the interview, Smith excused himself to the Wooden center, claiming he had to complete his “training exercises.”
