WESTWOOD — The UCLA Housing community was rocked by a major policy change Saturday, when students arriving for move-in outside of their designated appointment times were told they would face the death penalty. “I was only five minutes late!” wailed the malignant ghost of would-be first-year Enid Johnson, who was executed upon her 3:35 arrival to Sproul Landing. “This is so unfair. I didn’t even see the move-in assistant before he slit my throat with my own Bruincard!” At press time, Johnson was seen at the The Study trying and failing to pick up a sandwich with her translucent, immaterial hands.
