Elizabeth II Also Struggling With Unexpected Heat Wave

HELL— Following unusually high temperatures across California this week, word has come in from Balmoral Castle in Scotland today that Queen Elizabeth II is also facing extreme heat.
“It is with sadness that we confirm that Her Majesty has begun her final colonial venture into the fiery underground pits of Hell,” announced Buckingham Palace spokesperson Donal McCabe, lining the Queen’s casket with ice packs. “We are comforted by the knowledge that Her Majesty takes on this new challenge with many friends and family members by her side.” At press time, the Queen had reunited with her cousin and lover Prince Phillip to sweat together for all eternity.

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About Gillian Smith 33 Articles
Flavius Octavius Julius Gaius Septimius, known colloquially as "Gillian the Great," is the 71st emperor of Rome. Her notable achievements include winning the 2021 Maryland BOGGLE state championship and not being assassinated yet.