BERLIN — In a groundbreaking study, a coalition of physicists and mental health experts have designated the simultaneous dead and alive condition of Schrodinger’s Cat not as one of quantum superposition, but rather as one of depression. “Test results showed it wasn’t radiation that affected the cat’s state, but instead the hopelessness that accompanies being trapped in a box,” reported Rob Tarkovsky, whose self-proclamation as a dog-person has put the experiment’s validity into question. “Upon making this finding, we decided to enroll the cat in cognitive behavioral therapy treatment.” At press time, Schrodinger’s Cat was found to be taking each day one step at a time and not being too harsh on itself.
