Area Man Doesn’t Skate, Dies

LOS ANGELES — Yesterday, area man John Thacher dropped dead moments after his condemnation of skateboards, not taking heed of the ramifications indicated by the popular slogan, “Skate or Die.” “He never skated, but he also never took an outward stance against it until yesterday, which is why I think he died when he did,” said Thacher’s wife Joan, who wore a Thrasher brand t-shirt to counteract the totally not-steeze vibes surrounding her husband’s passing. “I never skated because I thought I’d be a poser, but I’m going to start now, because if not skating means I’m going to die, I might as well try to learn ollies.” Reports say that some people have bought Penny boards in an effort to skate and avoid death, but experts question the legitimacy of these boards in aiding their efforts.

About Carl Hatch 13 Articles
Carl Hatch is from Long Beach, California, or more appropriately, Strong Beach. He has also seen the video "Llamas With Hats" and The Walking Dead, so don't even ask.