Antisemitism Is Over! Trump Administration Cuts Funding From Cancer Research
WESTWOOD — After the Trump administration justified cutting research funding to UCLA by citing concerns of antisemitism, Jews and Gentiles alike were shocked when the […]
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“How Will This Affect Saffron And Rose?” Asks Guy Trying To Form Opinion On Iran War
WESTWOOD — After hearing about America’s bombing of Iran, one man still could not pick a side to support until knowing the fate of local […]
Sorry! Biden And Netanyahu Made Pinky Promise To Destroy Palestine As Little Pennsylvanian Boys
Washington, D.C. — With or without a ceasefire deal, Benjamin Netanyahu has promised to continue to rain hellfire upon Palestinians, due to a binding pinky […]
Biden Administration Demands Ceasefire In Gaza: “But It’s Chill If Not No Worries”
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following an announcement from Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu that the attack on Rafah would proceed despite international pressure, the Biden administration […]
Joe Biden Pledges To Give Every IDF Soldier A Kiss On The Lips
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following increasing calls for a ceasefire since the start of the Israel-Palestine conflict, Joe Biden has declared that he will personally go […]
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YRL Mountain Lion Diverts Attention From Powell Cat
WESTWOOD — After a mountain lion was noticed taking residence in the bushes adjacent to Young Research Library (YRL), many students have taken to the […]
Bruins For Israel Pretty Quiet This Week
WESTWOOD — UCLA students noted that the campus group Bruins For Israel has been pretty quiet this week following the killing of more than 60 […]
Western Wall Grabbed By the Crevice
JERUSALEM — On May 22, one of the holiest sites of the Abrahamic religions was allegedly accosted by a visiting tourist with incredibly small hands. […]
Arab-Israeli Conflict Resolved In YouTube Comment Section
PALESTINE ISRAEL MIDDLE EAST—Commenting on a Youtube video entitled “Best Potato Kugel Recipe,” vocal members of the internet came together last Tuesday to definitively resolve […]