Joe Biden Pledges To Give Every IDF Soldier A Kiss On The Lips

President Biden holding lipstick and wearing lipstick.

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following increasing calls for a ceasefire since the start of the Israel-Palestine conflict, Joe Biden has declared that he will personally go to Israel and give every Israel Defense Forces soldier a kiss on the lips. “We’ve sent guns, missiles, bombs, guns, trucks, bullets, guns, and $14.3 billion dollars worth of every other weapon imaginable. But you know what we haven’t sent? Love,” reported Biden, who made it clear that he is just an ally. “I strongly affirm Israel’s right to defense. However, alongside this, we must also affirm my right to make out with just a little tongue with IDF soldiers.” At press time, Biden announced that Palestinians could apply to receive a side hug from Kamala.