Report: UCLA Campus Surpasses State Of Iowa For Most Pigs Per Capita
WESTWOOD — After UCPD officers swarmed Royce Hall once again yesterday to meet their daily quota of mercilessly beating up students, UCLA was awarded for […]
Embarrassing! You’re Wearing The Same Outfit As Your Profile Picture
WESTWOOD — Uh oh! After giving your Instagram to a cute classmate, they pointed out that you’re wearing the same outfit as your profile picture. […]
Five Reasons Why I Didn’t Ruin The Vibe By Throwing Up In De Neve
1. De Neve is already De Nasty. Let’s be real here. Out of the three main dining halls, which would be the least bad to […]
Five Stupid Little Trinkets To Give Your Mom Instead Of Grandchildren
1. Card Pick up the last Mother’s Day card (conveniently located next to the “#1 Grandma” cards) and don’t even sign your name inside. She’s […]
I Lived It: An Old Friend Reached Out Just To Share Their Beats
It’s a cool early summer evening. The moon is glowing, the stars are shining, and I’m taking advantage of this peaceful night by scrolling through […]
Global Prayers Rejected: New Pope Is American
HEAVEN — Millions of prayers coming in from around the world were denied yesterday evening as the Catholic Church appointed its first ever American pope. […]
Opinion: Half The Government Is Fired And I Still Need A Real ID?
Elon Musk, If you can find any room in your Grinch-sized heart, please do your job for once. If you are trying to make the […]
Opinion: They Should Let The New Pope Have Gay Sex Once So He Can See If It Should Still Be Banned Or Not
With the death of Pope Francis, the first “woke pope,” the cardinals will soon enter conclave to pick the newest pontifex. I liked Pope Francis. […]
Opinion: He/Him Is Gender Neutral
Hey guys. A lot of guys seem to be getting mad at me for using he/him pronouns even when referring to guys who aren’t guys. […]