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Opinion: This “College” Shit Is Nothing Like Community

November 25, 2024 Maggie Kwan 0

I arrived at UCLA like many first-years: bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, and convinced that my four years at college would be just as magical as the six […]

LinkedIn Rolls Out New “Open To Fuck” Banner

November 24, 2024 Azalea Morris 0

WESTWOOD — LinkedIn use is on the rise, with seniors desperate to secure connections before graduating, but with a sparse job market, many students are […]

Rivalry Game This Year Now Joe Bruin And Tommy Trojan Look-Alike Contest

November 23, 2024 Dana Badii 0

USC Participates In Rivalry Week By Paying Dining Hall Workers Even Less

November 22, 2024 Olivia Maes 0

USC Participates In Rivalry Week By Paying Dining Hall Workers Even Less

November 22, 2024 Olivia Maes 0

History Department Announces New Concentration In “Future”

November 20, 2024 Georgia McNeill 0

WESTWOOD – After running out of past to study, the history department has announced that students can now declare a concentration in “future.” “We are […]

I Lived It! Communal Bathroom Diarrhea So Bad I Had to Notes App Apologize

November 19, 2024 Azalea Morris 0

Tell me why I can stomach Taco Bell and Chipotle like a champ, but as soon as I try to get my veggies in at […]

School Spirit? Student Refuses To Wear Trojan Condoms

November 18, 2024 Maggie Kwan 0

WESTWOOD – In a bold display of Bruin spirit, first-year Gender Studies major Chad Ryan announced on his Instagram yesterday his refusal to wear Trojan […]

Heartbreaking: Most Eager Lecture Participant Also Dumbest

November 16, 2024 Shayne Sweet 0

WESTWOOD — LinkedIn use is on the rise, with seniors desperate to secure connections before graduating, but with a sparse job market, many students are […]

League Of Legends Classified As Schedule I Drug

November 15, 2024 Dana Badii 0

Washington D.C. – Earlier today, the Drug Enforcement Administration issued a statement regarding the League of Legends epidemic. “Countless studies have shown secondhand effects of […]

Posts pagination

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  • Ask The Enabler: Is It Too Late To Cancel My Den Pass Refund?

    Dear Westwood Enabler, I bought a Den Pass to maximize my time at UCLA and to give my uncle yet another excuse to bet on […]

  • Flakers Anonymous Reports Record Low Attendance

  • Consulting Clubs Consulted On What The Fuck They Actually Do

    WESTWOOD — UCLA’s ten thousand consulting clubs recently came under fire when they were consulted on what their clubs really do besides pose for headshots […]

  • Man With Fragile Ego Sits In Waymo Driver’s Seat

    WESTWOOD — While returning home from a failed driver’s license test, aspiring Cybertruck owner Grant T. Otto broke Waymo’s ‘rider rules’ by climbing into the […]

  • Angeleno Prepares For Storm By Already Driving Like Shit

    WESTWOOD — In preparation for this week’s rare October storm, one local resident has decided to take up driving like shit in order to lessen […]

Featured Authors

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Georgia McNeill
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Sam Rusk
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