Bruin Plate Overpopulation To Be Solved Via One-Child Policy
WESTWOOD, CA – The Undergraduate Population Control Board (UPCB) enacted a strict one-child policy Saturday in an attempt to quell the burgeoning overpopulation issue plaguing […]
Картина фламандского крестьян, что не имеет контекст
Вествуд—Посмотрите на эту картину, она не имеет контекст. Почему мы это делаем? В чем причина? Посмотрите на это Barack Hussein Obama. Только посмотрите на него. […]
Satan Buys Out Westwood Enabler
WESTWOOD – In a press conference today, The Westwood Enabler announced that Satan has acquired the student-run paper. The paper, looking for funds, held an […]
The History of April Fools Day
As the jesting and jokery of April Fool’s Day once again commences, we here at the Westwood Enabler would like to put comedy aside for […]
Murmurs & Rants: Fuck Cal
Dear Cal, Fuck you. No, seriously. Fuck you. Who even let you happen? We, the students of every other UC ever, have a list of […]
Student In Powell Library “Totally Happy” To Watch Stranger’s Stuff
WESTWOOD—Third year biology major Margaret Small confirmed that she is totally happy, in fact “practically leaping out of her seat” at the prospect of having […]
God Sends Only Son To Defuse Situation On Bruinwalk
WESTWOOD—After being alerted to an alarming spell of hate speech taking place outside of Kerckhoff hall today, Our Lord God, Divine Creator of the Universe […]
Satirical Newspaper Publishes Sub-Par Article
INTERNETS—The humor sector was gravely dismayed after an established satirical humorous comedy newspaper released to its trusting, naive readers a story which failed to be […]
I Have A Plan To Bring Girl Scout Cookies To UCLA On A Permanent Basis
Now let’s be clear about a few things first. First of all, what I’m advocating does not necessarily qualify as kidnapping per se. Can some […]
Student Discovers Parents Have Been Paying Friends to Attend Birthday Parties
BRENTWOOD—In a shocking turn of events, student Dominic Downer discovered that his parents really had been paying his friends to attend his birthday parties for […]