Douchebag Met At Frat Party
WESTWOOD—Christie Temple, first year student at UCLA, expressed vocal surprise regarding an encounter she had with a douchebag at a fraternity party last Thursday. “He […]
POINT: Walk Your Fucking Wheels / COUNTERPOINT: *Whoosh*
Point Walk Your Fucking Wheels! By: Ryan Singh Hey! Watch it, asshole! You almost hit me! Can’t you read the signs?! This is a dismount […]
POINT: Data Mining Violates Our Privacy / COUNTERPOINT: At Least SOMEONE Out There Really Knows Me
POINT Data Mining Violates Our Privacy By: Neil Herrera The government has no right to monitor our personal internet use. They claim they’re doing it […]
On-Campus Residents Demand More Spaces For Sitting Alone, Sobbing Quietly
WESTWOOD—In a new petition that has been gaining traction this week, Hill residents are looking to increase the number of spaces currently allocated for sitting alone […]
Candlelight Vigil Held To Commemerate Lack Of Poon
WESTWOOD – Students at UCLA prepare to weep in solidarity at the overwhelming lack of poon. This weekend a vigil will be held on campus […]
Toy Missing: Last Spotted in Westwood Area
LAB SCHOOL SANDBOX – Mrs. Frisby’s first grade class went wild Monday after Thomas the Tank Engine did not return from his lunchtime adventure. “It’s […]
Newly Committed Class Contains 19,000 Students With Bullshit Club Cabinet Positions
WESTWOOD—Proudly stating that the new UCLA freshman class will be full of young, ambitious students, the admissions office has announced that 4,000 of the 5,000 […]
ISIS Seizes Two Hundred Square Miles Of Sand
SYRIA – In an offensive launched from northern Ar-Raqqah last night, the Islamic State seized control of a two hundred square mile stretch of uninhabited […]
Employer Impressed By Student’s Overqualification
LOS ANGELES—Following a thorough investigation of his resume, along with a brief interview with the student in question, local employer and head of A&R Consulting […]