Huge Upset: Avengers Infinity War Outperforms Amy Schumer Movie
HOLLYWOOD — Critics’ expectations were defied this week when Avengers: Infinity War brought in more money than Amy Schumer’s I Feel Pretty. “I’m extremely surprised […]
BREAKING: USAC Candidate Dick Johnson Sanctioned For Phallic Name
WESTWOOD — The undergraduate student government election board issued a sanction Friday morning. Dick Johnson, a candidate running for Community Services Commissioner, was sanctioned for his phallic […]
Local Kanye Apologist Having A Really Bad Week
WESTWOOD — Sources report local Kanye apologist Sam Bradley is having a really bad week. “I mean, I always knew Kanye was insane. But insane in […]
BREAKING: USAC Candidate Todd From Beta Sanctioned For Unlicensed Liquor Sale
WESTWOOD — The undergraduate student government election board issued a sanction Wednesday. Todd From Beta, a candidate running for Campus Events Commissioner, was sanctioned for selling […]
BREAKING: USAC Candidate Skirball Fire Sanctioned For Unsafe Campaigning
WESTWOOD — The undergraduate student government election board issued a sanction Monday. Skirball Fire, a candidate running for general representative, was sanctioned for re-erupting in the […]
Former UCLA Econ Major Forced To Settle For Entry-Level Job With Poor Health Benefits
PHOENIX, AZ — The Enabler recently did a profile on former UCLA economics student Joshua Rosen, who had decided to drop out of UCLA. Unfortunately, […]
Bruin Democrats Release Diss Track Denouncing Kanye West
WESTWOOD — Following Kanye West’s reiteration of his support for President Donald Trump on Twitter this week, Bruin Democrats at UCLA swiftly denounced the rapper’s political […]
Taking Action: When This Man Heard About the Waffle House Shooting, He Copied and Pasted All of the Lyrics to John Lennon’s “Imagine” on His Facebook Timeline
It seems like there’s a mass shooting every week in America, each followed by little change. People offer their ‘thoughts and prayers’ and argue about […]
BREAKING: Westwood Neighborhood Council Sends Troops To Occupy UCLA
WESTWOOD — In a surprising act that sent shockwaves across the country, The Westwood Neighborhood Council sent armed troops to occupy the sovereign UCLA campus this […]
Amazing! This Magic 8 Ball Pinpoints Exactly How You’ll Ruin Your Life!
Hear hear, lads and ladettes! After decades of helpless submission to fate’s cruel game of chance, scientists and toymakers alike have designed a Magic […]