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Huge Upset: Avengers Infinity War Outperforms Amy Schumer Movie

May 7, 2018 Drew Muxlow 0

HOLLYWOOD — Critics’ expectations were defied this week when Avengers: Infinity War brought in more money than Amy Schumer’s I Feel Pretty. “I’m extremely surprised […]

BREAKING: USAC Candidate Dick Johnson Sanctioned For Phallic Name

May 4, 2018 Kushal Chatterjee 0

WESTWOOD — The undergraduate student government election board issued a sanction Friday morning. Dick Johnson, a candidate running for Community Services Commissioner, was sanctioned for his phallic […]

Local Kanye Apologist Having A Really Bad Week

May 1, 2018 Kushal Chatterjee 0

WESTWOOD — Sources report local Kanye apologist Sam Bradley is having a really bad week. “I mean, I always knew Kanye was insane. But insane in […]

BREAKING: USAC Candidate Todd From Beta Sanctioned For Unlicensed Liquor Sale

May 1, 2018 Jack Lyons 0

WESTWOOD — The undergraduate student government election board issued a sanction Wednesday. Todd From Beta, a candidate running for Campus Events Commissioner, was sanctioned for selling […]

BREAKING: USAC Candidate Skirball Fire Sanctioned For Unsafe Campaigning

April 30, 2018 Jack Lyons 0

WESTWOOD — The undergraduate student government election board issued a sanction Monday. Skirball Fire, a candidate running for general representative, was sanctioned for re-erupting in the […]

Former UCLA Econ Major Forced To Settle For Entry-Level Job With Poor Health Benefits

April 27, 2018 Ross Rosenthal 0

PHOENIX, AZ — The Enabler recently did a profile on former UCLA economics student Joshua Rosen, who had decided to drop out of UCLA. Unfortunately, […]

Bruin Democrats Release Diss Track Denouncing Kanye West

April 26, 2018 Brian McReynolds 0

WESTWOOD — Following Kanye West’s reiteration of his support for President Donald Trump on Twitter this week, Bruin Democrats at UCLA swiftly denounced the rapper’s political […]

Taking Action: When This Man Heard About the Waffle House Shooting, He Copied and Pasted All of the Lyrics to John Lennon’s “Imagine” on His Facebook Timeline

April 24, 2018 Brian McReynolds 0

It seems like there’s a mass shooting every week in America, each followed by little change. People offer their ‘thoughts and prayers’ and argue about […]

BREAKING: Westwood Neighborhood Council Sends Troops To Occupy UCLA

April 14, 2018 Jack Lyons 0

WESTWOOD — In a surprising act that sent shockwaves across the country, The Westwood Neighborhood Council sent armed troops to occupy the sovereign UCLA campus this […]

Amazing! This Magic 8 Ball Pinpoints Exactly How You’ll Ruin Your Life!

April 12, 2018 Alex Kukoff 0

  Hear hear, lads and ladettes! After decades of helpless submission to fate’s cruel game of chance, scientists and toymakers alike have designed a Magic […]

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  • Stolen Goods Stolen From Place With Exclusively Stolen Goods

    PARIS — Parisian police officers were stunned to discover this weekend that priceless jewels were stolen from the Louvre, a place that exclusively houses priceless […]

  • BPlate Announces Collab With McDonald’s To Ensure Froyo Machine Breaks More Often

    WESTWOOD – In a surprise new development, BPlate has announced a partnership with the fast food chain McDonald’s to ensure that the froyo machine remains […]

  • Government Shutdown Finally Hits Canvas

    WESTWOOD — Students everywhere awoke this morning to the modern equivalent of snow outside their windows: Canvas has been shut down due to bipartisan gridlock. […]

  • Opinion: If You A Stressed Baddie Who Procrastinated Before Canvas Went Down, This One’s For You

  • Friend Who Can’t Drive Way Too Invested In Formula One

    AUSTIN, TX — This weekend, second-year Mechanical Engineering major Diem Vee posted multiple photo dumps of himself trackside at the 2025 United States Grand Prix […]

Featured Authors

mm
Georgia McNeill
  • Antisemitism Is Over! Trump Administration Cuts Funding From Cancer Research
  • Top Four Ways To Come Out To Your Family So They Can’t Say No
  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes
Sam Rusk
  • Top 5 UCLA Study Spots If You Don’t Need Outlets, Wifi, Tables or Chairs
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style

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