WESTWOOD — Bunche Hall 1209B made history this Thursday after a guy in the back row of your lecture received the One Millionth Cough Award, presented in the middle of class by the Arthur Ashe Wellness Center. “I won the 100,000 award last year, but I never thought I’d make it to one million!” said second-year Mathematics of Computation major Ethan Funderberger between wet, violent, lecture-shaking sneezes. “I’d like to thank my lack of white blood cells, ZBT, and the students in Powell for always being there to keep me sick.” At press time, Funderberger was seen shotgunning DayQuil and using the oversized check to blow his nose.