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Murmurs & Rants

“Do You Want To Feel My Stress Hives?” And Other Exciting Conversation Starters To Get Out Of Working On Your Group Project

April 9, 2023 Meghan Mason 0

This fun icebreaker is sure to create a sense of camaraderie among the group members as well as make those bitches realize they need to […]

Weird! This Woman Has Legs For Days

March 29, 2023 Maya Chatrathi 0

ISLE OF MAN — Sources report that local woman Amy Fuller has got a real pair of stems on her. “I’ve seen a leg or […]

Opinion: Science Is Fake! The Same Water That “Carved The Grand Canyon” Can’t Flush My Poop Down This Toilet

March 27, 2023 Gillian Smith 0

We’ve all sat through the same boring eighth grade science class where they teach you about “erosion.” They say water flowed through some rocks and […]

Opinion: To The Incoming Freshman Reading This: UCLA Let You In By Accident!

March 18, 2023 Gillian Smith 0

You’ve just “gotten in” to the #1 public university in the entire United States of America. Pretty soon, obnoxious people in your life are going […]

I Lived It: Someone Asked To Share My Table At Kerckhoff

March 9, 2023 Sam Haines 0

The first thing that struck me, looking up at her, was that she had a kind face. What struck me next was her nerve. “Hi, […]

Opinion: The Enabler Fired Me But I Can Still Log Into The Website

March 7, 2023 Gillian Smith, Melissa Beining 0

They thought they’d gotten rid of me. They told me I wasn’t funny enough for this publication and to go write for the Daily Bruin. […]

Trend Watch: Divorce!

March 6, 2023 James Hinckleberry, Family Law Attorney (1-800-DIVORCE) 0

After a glorious 20-year run, US divorce rates are back down to historic lows. Come on, people! What are we doing? The United States is […]

Opinion: I’ve Been Wandering Around Epicuria For 10 Weeks With No Empty Tables In Sight

March 4, 2023 Dana Badii 0

How many days has it been? 3? 7? 70? I’ve been pacing around the ravioli, tiramisu, and ricotta. Back and forth, back and forth, back […]

Complaining About the Rain? Don’t Worry, Climate Change Will Get Rid Of It

March 1, 2023 Tyler Neufeld 0

WESTWOOD — You’ve been complaining for two months now about the rain we’ve gotten this winter. You’re telling everyone that you’re sick and tired of […]

Opinion: How I Get So Much Volume In My Hair I Can’t Hear My Roommate Face-Timing Her Boyfriend

February 27, 2023 Melissa Beining 0

Step 1: I take a shower. This gives me an excuse to avoid hearing my roommate cycle through pet names for her five foot eight […]

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Maya Chatrathi
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