Opinion: If Your Class Has A Week 9 Midterm, I Should Be Allowed To Skip The Final
Merriam-Webster defines a midterm as an examination in the middle of an academic term. A UCLA quarter has 10 weeks. So what’s the deal with […]
Campus
UCLA Housing Signs Dorm Furnishing Contract With Temu
WESTWOOD — In anticipation of even less housing space and even more budget cuts, UCLA Housing has attempted to cut costs by signing a dorm […]
Rival Dance Groups Enter “West Side Story”-Esque Feud Over Parking Lot 7
WESTWOOD — Last night, after the Planes and the Rays, two of UCLA’s 10,000 hip-hop dance groups, engaged in a standoff over who had the […]
“Romance Movies Have No Plot” Says Guy Whose Romance Has Even Less Plot
Despite the fact this his current relationship is loveless and boring, Business Economics major Gustavo Hettro complained that his girlfriend’s choice of Pride and Prejudice […]
20 Dead, 3 Injured In Fight To Enroll In MATH 31B
WESTWOOD — 20 first-years have died trying to secure the last five MATH 31B lecture spots for the 2025 Spring quarter. “My thoughts and prayers […]
Douchebag Dogwhistle: Avoid Men Who Use The Phrase “Walkable Cities”
WESTWOOD — Disastrous reports from the Douchebag Research Institute (the minds that broke the Patagonia-vest epidemic and “being written by a woman”) claim that the […]
All Hail! God-King Julio Frenk Ensures Only Correct Speech Allowed
Hear ye! Hear ye! Rejoice! For our powerful leader, Julio Frenk, has banned all wrong speech on campus. No more will we have to determine […]
UCLA Reaffirms Commitment To Free Expression By Suspending Student Protests
WESTWOOD – In a video filmed from his blue void, Chancellor Julio Frenk reaffirmed the campus’s commitment to free expression by announcing the suspension of […]
Increasingly Desperate Clubs Begin Selling Organs On Bruinwalk
WESTWOOD — After a decline in sales of Porto’s Bakery rolls and Krispy Kreme donuts, increasingly desperate clubs have begun selling their own organs on […]