White Boy With Asian Girlfriend Too Excited To Celebrate AAPI Month
WESTWOOD — After making yet another joke about “sucking balls” while ordering boba, first-year Global Studies major Brayden Smith made an Instagram post where he […]
Life
Embarrassing! Student Doesn’t Have Outfit For Victorian French Gothic Hyperpop Themed Fundrager
WESTWOOD — This weekend, civil engineering freshman James Baeseck was humiliated as he failed to show up in theme to the unsustainable fashion club’s Victorian […]
Secretary of Defense Announces That Only The “Boy Lesbians” Will Be Eligible for Future Drafts
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Commenting on the draft eligibility of American women, Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth announced that only the “boy lesbians” would be eligible. […]
Opinion: The Ackerman Third Floor Gay Cruising Space Should Be A Designated Cultural Heritage Site
Dear Julio Frenk, UCLA has been under a lot of controversy lately. The encampments and the mob attack on them, the cops everywhere, deportations, budget […]
Report: Someone Broke Into My Dorm And Left All This Bong Smoke Here
WESTWOOD — Unease settled over the Hill last night as UCLA Housing warned of a mysterious break-in which left one student’s dorm filled with a […]
It’s True! The Dumbest Man You’ve Ever Met Has Started A Substack
WESTWOOD — Standing at a handsome 5-foot-6, known idiot, failed Biz Econ major, and your sophomore-year Hinge match Brayden Johnson has decided to start a […]
Elon Musk Bullied To Tears In Fortnite Voice Chat
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Elon Musk was reportedly heard sobbing in a Fortnite Zero Build voice chat after being bullied by ELON_GETS_0_HOES, a 12-year-old in a […]
Embarrassing! You’re Wearing The Same Outfit As Your Profile Picture
WESTWOOD — Uh oh! After giving your Instagram to a cute classmate, they pointed out that you’re wearing the same outfit as your profile picture. […]
Five Reasons Why I Didn’t Ruin The Vibe By Throwing Up In De Neve
1. De Neve is already De Nasty. Let’s be real here. Out of the three main dining halls, which would be the least bad to […]