Three Signs You Have Developed A Parasocial Relationship With Gene Block
Are you feeling those pesky little butterflies fluttering in your tummy when you think about how close you are to Gene Block again after break? […]
Life
Opinion: If I Spill My Trauma To You, Will You Let Me Into Your Grad Program?
I’ve known I wanted to be a neurosurgeon ever since I saw my grandfather get run over by a Zamboni. Right in that moment, as […]
Report: Oh, You Fucked It Up. You Fucked It All Up
HOLLYWOOD— According to multiple sources, you reeeaaally did it this time. “Take a cold, hard look at yourself,” said one source familiar with the situation, […]
Ask The Enabler: “Best Places To Hide A Vibrator In A Classic Triple?”
If a roommate questions why your portable charger is covered in white marks and has an odor, the safest bet is to blame it on […]
Brendon Urie Files For Divorce From Brendon Urie
LOS ANGELES— Brendon Urie, lead singer and only remaining member of the former pop-rock band Panic! At The Disco, has announced that he will be […]
Trend Watch: Cooking With Buccal Fat
So, you’ve decided to remove your buccal fat because someone on TikTok told you to. Way to go! You’ve joined the ranks of admirable, hardworking […]
Opinion: I Can’t Believe It’s Already Week 9
Wow, can you believe it’s almost the end of the quarter? Time sure does fly! It feels like the first day of school was just […]
CAPS Experiencing Unprecedented Surge Amid Egg Shortage
WESTWOOD — The national egg shortage has left droves of Bruins without a key ingredient not only of their breakfast but of their self care. “We […]
Loser Plays As Mario In MarioKart
MUSHROOM KINGDOM— Area dude Brad McIntyre bored gamers everywhere Tuesday when he chose Mario as his racing character in the hit Nintendo game MarioKart. “I […]
Radical Ally? This Student Just Said “Gracias” Instead of Thank You To A Rende West Worker
WESTWOOD — Second year Business Economics and Psychology double major Kayeighleighy White was celebrated with a round of applause for saying “gracias” to a Rende […]