Three Signs You Have Developed A Parasocial Relationship With Gene Block

Are you feeling those pesky little butterflies fluttering in your tummy when you think about how close you are to Gene Block again after break? Do you think your love for him is going beyond the normal chancellor/student level, and somehow, you two have a deeper bond? Hey, we get it. You just have to figure out where to draw the line. It’s normal to have a full sized cardboard cutout of Gene Block standing in the corner of your dorm, even if your roommate says it’s “weird” or “disturbing” or “slowly inching closer and closer to her at night.” However, if you feel that you’re saying #genedaddy in a non-ironic way, this article might be for you.

1. You attach cute little notes addressed to him in your BruinBill

We all know a Chancellor’s favorite hobby is admiring money. Though Gene loves us all as his mini money-making machines, he’s never really considered your existence beyond your bank account. If you’re trying to get his attention by writing about your undying love to him and attaching an invitation to a romantic candlelit dinner to your tuition check, you might be overestimating the nature of your relationship.

2. You have plugged both your names into a Love Calculator

We know the reason you clear your internet history every 4 minutes. If you’re trying every possible variation of your names in order to maximize your love percentage on, please bring this issue up with a therapist. Letting this situation go on could bring up more serious symptoms, like mapping out your birth charts (I won’t ask how you got his time of birth) and even creating a list of your potential shipnames.

3. You have genes

At one point, love becomes obsession. Letting the DNA in your body assemble into genes that code your proteins and control your bodily functions is a sure sign that you are bringing Gene Block into the most personal parts of your life. Your body is your temple; don’t base all your biology on someone who doesn’t even know you. This issue is easy to solve– simply rearrange your DNA into an alternative shape or structure, as long as you make sure it is not a block.