Report: Oh, You Fucked It Up. You Fucked It All Up

HOLLYWOOD— According to multiple sources, you reeeaaally did it this time. “Take a cold, hard look at yourself,” said one source familiar with the situation, which has been called a new low, even for you. “This isn’t some random satirical news article, either. I know what you did. Does your wretchedness know no bounds?” At press time, everyone was wondering if you actually thought they wouldn’t find out.