Pinocchio Discovers Real World, No Longer Wants To Be Real Boy
TUSCANY — Pinocchio, despite his lifelong wish to become a real boy, has announced he rescinds his statement and would like to become a wooden […]
A&E
Diversity Gone Mad: Blue Man Group Brings On White Guy
LAS VEGAS— After 35 years of an all-blue cast, the Blue Man Group has decided to unveil their first white member, Brian. “I’m excited to […]
Geezer Alert! This UCLA Student Just Said “Covel” Instead Of “Epicuria”
WESTWOOD RETIREMENT HOME — Alleged UCLA student Trevor Child unintentionally revealed his true, prehistoric identity this week when he used the antiquated term “Covel” instead […]
Hottest Spot For Grad Photos Is Sidewalk Pit Outside Of CVS
WESTWOOD — UCLA seniors are taking their grad photos at the hottest spot in town: the sidewalk pit outside of CVS. “In some ways, it’s […]
New Season Of “How It’s Made” Features Episode On Babies
MONTREAL — Producers behind the television show “How It’s Made” recently announced that the upcoming season will feature an episode about babies. “The process begins […]
Andre To Perform At Coachella
INDIO, CA — In an unprecedented announcement, Andre has announced via his Instagram page (@larger_thanlife_3) that he will be performing at the Coachella Valley Music […]
“&$@!,” And Four Other Things You Really Shouldn’t Say
DO NOT SAY THE FOLLOWING. This is obviously a very crude word, why else would we censor it with random symbols? A$$ is a no-no […]
“Intersectionality,” And Other Buzzwords You Can Use To Justify Buying From Amazon
We all know how it goes. You run out of masks or printer ink or clean underwear, and you need more ASAP. There’s only one […]
Heartwarming! Virgins Across Nation Come Together Each Day To Guess Five Letter Word
U.S.A. — Thanks to the latest online craze, Wordle, virgins from coast to coast are bonding over the exciting opportunity to guess a new five-letter […]
Report: Your Neighbor Only Practices Trombone Because He Hates You
WESTWOOD — After careful consideration of the evidence, we’re certain that your neighbor- the one saved in your phone as “Angus from Apartment 216”- only […]