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Articles by Jake Snyder

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About Jake Snyder
Jake is a third-year English major unsure of what he’ll be using that degree for when the time comes. Until then, he’ll be enjoying the finer things in life: relaxing by the pool, listening to music, and spending money that he doesn’t have. Oh, and he sometimes writes on the rare occasion he’s roused from his lounge chair.

Surprise! People Are Exiting The Elevator You’re About To Enter

January 22, 2024 Jake Snyder 0

WESTWOOD — First-year urban planning major Jimmy Johnson was shocked to find that there were people exiting the Rieber Hall elevator when it reached the […]

Jesus in a cave waking up

Jesus Oversleeps, Says Six More Weeks Until Easter

April 19, 2023 Jake Snyder 0

JERUSALEM — After failing to make an expected appearance on Easter Sunday, Jesus Christ of Nazareth announced this morning that Easter will not happen until […]

  • Antisemitism Is Over! Trump Administration Cuts Funding From Cancer Research

    WESTWOOD — After the Trump administration justified cutting research funding to UCLA by citing concerns of antisemitism, Jews and Gentiles alike were shocked when the […]

  • Opinion: Suck It, Pre-Meds! Now We’re All Going To Be Unemployed

    It finally happened. Despite being so against equity and inclusion, Trump finally did something to level the playing field between you pre-meds and us humanities, […]

  • Roommate Unable To Clean Dorm Because Floor Is Lava

    WESTWOOOD – In an emergency press conference inside your dorm today, your roommate announced they are unable to clean because the floor is lava. “I […]

  • Woke Mother Performs First Successful “Straight Conversion Therapy”

    WEST HOLLYWOOD — On Tuesday, local woke mother Dorothy McBeal celebrated the results of months of grueling treatment as her first and only child finally […]

  • two skeletons kissing in front of a rainbow pride flag

    Skeletons In Closet Come Out

Featured Authors

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Georgia McNeill
  • Antisemitism Is Over! Trump Administration Cuts Funding From Cancer Research
  • Top Four Ways To Come Out To Your Family So They Can’t Say No
  • Opinion: No, I Will Not Pie You On Bruinwalk, Please Don’t Involve Me In Your Fetishes
Sam Rusk
  • Top 5 UCLA Study Spots If You Don’t Need Outlets, Wifi, Tables or Chairs
  • Ashe Center To Offer Gender Affirming Computer Science Degrees
  • Local Centaur Divided Hot Dog Style

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