PARIS — Parisian police officers were stunned to discover this weekend that priceless jewels were stolen from the Louvre, a place that exclusively houses priceless stolen goods. “Mon dieu, it is so tragique that precious art was stolen from such a historique museum after we originally looted them from le Sur Global and lesser white cultures,” said Paris police commissioner Magali Charbonneau, sipping a café au lait on the banks of the Seine while a robber walked by with a Van Gogh from Musee d’Orsay. “I’ve spoken with le Louvre about ze next steps, and we agree that we must start stealing more art to replace our lost collection. I understand that the British Museum has some things that were not originally theirs. As they say, ze third or fourth party that finds them gets to keep them.” At press time, the Louvre increased security measures by directing more workers to guard the Mona Lisa and further limit viewers to one glimpse of the painting from thirty meters away.
