WESTWOOD — Following efforts by the Westwood Community Council to pressure Sepi’s into leaving Westwood, the local bar and restaurant filed a counterproposal to evict Steven D. Sann, the WWCC’s chairman and alleged nefarious leader of the anti-Sepi’s movement, from the neighborhood.
“Frankly, somebody’s gotta take a stand and protect the Westwood we know and love from the likes of Steve Sann,” said Giuseppe Moltisanti, the enigmatic founder of Sepi’s. “These old rich people think the world revolves around them. Enough is enough. Also Steve Sann ate my dog.”
At the first sign of reporters, Mr. Sann dropped a smoke pellet and promptly disappeared with a poltergeist-like cackle, but the Enabler managed to reach him at his home which is located in Santa Monica for some reason.
“Judgement Day is nigh!” shrieked Mr. Sann while oozing acrid, greenish sweat from the human body he is currently inhabiting. “Little Bruins, little foolish students, no more shall you frolic and make merry at the abominable Sepi’s. But fear not! From Sepi’s ashes, a new jewel of Westwood will rise — beautiful, accessible, universally cherished Sur La Table!”
At press time, Mr. Sann was seen furiously copulating with various Sur La Table kitchenware to the weary resignation of the Sur La Table staff.
