SEATTLE — Finally seeing past her quirky sense of humor and oddly coordinated fashion sense, area man Carl Lapliner has come to the conclusion that area manic pixie dream girl is actually just manic. “At first, I thought the way she drove on the wrong side of the road was cute, but then she just never switched lanes and that’s when I knew I wanted out,” said Lapliner, an average white man with brown hair. “To make matters worse, she doesn’t have a cell phone so I can’t even break up with her on my own time. Whenever we talk, she calls me on a landline payphone and is like ‘Drop what you’re doing and come find me!’ but as soon as I get there she’s gone and all that’s left is a cryptic note written on the back of a folded index card.” At press time, Lapliner was preparing to break up with the manic pixie dream girl during an all-night cinematic adventure set to Regina Spektor’s discography.
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Interim Editor-In-Chief, Full Time Smart-Ass