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Month: April 2019

Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Body Pillow Found In Basement Of Shapiro Residence

April 29, 2019 Griffin Stout 0

LOS ANGELES — Earlier this week a body pillow, otherwise known as a “dakimakura,” depicting U.S. Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was found in the basement of the […]

Student Who Never Went To Class Takes Grad Pics On Campus

April 25, 2019 Sam Mallari 0

WESTWOOD —  Amy Allens, fourth-year English student and soon-to-be UCLA alumna, took to Instagram to unveil her array of graduation pictures, poetically taken in front […]

Daily Bruin Granted Unprecedented Access To Taliban

April 25, 2019 Jack Lyons 0

WESTWOOD — In a recent development set to quell criticism of what many decry as “vapid” content from the publication, the Daily Bruin has been […]

Area Man “Proficient” In Microsoft Excel

April 25, 2019 Nathan Glovinsky 0

WESTWOOD — In preparation for his summer internship search, area man Dimitri DiMarco convinced himself that he was more or less proficient enough in Microsoft […]

Study: Greek Yogurt Not Good Substitute For Lube

April 25, 2019 Griffin Stout 0

LOS ANGELES — Researchers at the Bixby Center of Population and Reproductive Health have found in a recent study that Greek yogurt is not a […]

Report: Nestlé In Hot Water

April 25, 2019 Hayley Gazdik 0

Manic Pixie Dream Girl Actually Just Manic

April 25, 2019 Nathan Glovinsky 0

SEATTLE — Finally seeing past her quirky sense of humor and oddly coordinated fashion sense, area man Carl Lapliner has come to the conclusion that area […]

Sepi’s Files Counterproposal To Evict Steve Sann

April 24, 2019 Jay Varhula 0

WESTWOOD — Following efforts by the Westwood Community Council to pressure Sepi’s into leaving Westwood, the local bar and restaurant filed a counterproposal to evict […]

Point: Wash Your Dishes / Counterpoint: I’m Letting Them Soak

April 23, 2019 Griffin Stout 0

Point: Wash Your Dishes By Alex Haru, Kellen Loke, Drew Casebier We’ve called this roommate meeting to discuss the issue of the dishes that have […]

Coachella Wristband Reveals God Amongst Men

April 23, 2019 Nathan Glovinsky 0

WESTWOOD — Last Monday evening, three wise men knocked on the door of Beta Theta Pi to share with third-year business economics student Jack Wagner, who […]

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