Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez Body Pillow Found In Basement Of Shapiro Residence
LOS ANGELES — Earlier this week a body pillow, otherwise known as a “dakimakura,” depicting U.S. Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was found in the basement of the […]
Month: April 2019
Student Who Never Went To Class Takes Grad Pics On Campus
WESTWOOD — Amy Allens, fourth-year English student and soon-to-be UCLA alumna, took to Instagram to unveil her array of graduation pictures, poetically taken in front […]
Daily Bruin Granted Unprecedented Access To Taliban
WESTWOOD — In a recent development set to quell criticism of what many decry as “vapid” content from the publication, the Daily Bruin has been […]
Area Man “Proficient” In Microsoft Excel
WESTWOOD — In preparation for his summer internship search, area man Dimitri DiMarco convinced himself that he was more or less proficient enough in Microsoft […]
Study: Greek Yogurt Not Good Substitute For Lube
LOS ANGELES — Researchers at the Bixby Center of Population and Reproductive Health have found in a recent study that Greek yogurt is not a […]
Manic Pixie Dream Girl Actually Just Manic
SEATTLE — Finally seeing past her quirky sense of humor and oddly coordinated fashion sense, area man Carl Lapliner has come to the conclusion that area […]
Sepi’s Files Counterproposal To Evict Steve Sann
WESTWOOD — Following efforts by the Westwood Community Council to pressure Sepi’s into leaving Westwood, the local bar and restaurant filed a counterproposal to evict […]
Point: Wash Your Dishes / Counterpoint: I’m Letting Them Soak
Point: Wash Your Dishes By Alex Haru, Kellen Loke, Drew Casebier We’ve called this roommate meeting to discuss the issue of the dishes that have […]
Coachella Wristband Reveals God Amongst Men
WESTWOOD — Last Monday evening, three wise men knocked on the door of Beta Theta Pi to share with third-year business economics student Jack Wagner, who […]