Report: My Break Was Good, How Was Yours?
WESTWOOD—Scientists recently concluded a comprehensive study following UCLA’s winter recess that indicates that my break was good, how was yours? Mine was pretty relaxing; I […]
WESTWOOD—Scientists recently concluded a comprehensive study following UCLA’s winter recess that indicates that my break was good, how was yours? Mine was pretty relaxing; I […]
WESTWOOD—In an impressive display of extravagance, UCLA Housing recently unveiled a new dining hall, which is somehow even more pretentious than Bruin Plate. The Study […]
TOPEKA, KS— In a narrow 5-4 vote, the Supreme Playground Court of Smileyvale Elementary School ruled that the “Five Second Rule” was constitutional. “We really […]
WESTWOOD—Although thankful she has a space to comfortably feel free of hostilities, third-year gender studies major Charlotte Smith expressed concerns over the lack of reliable […]
LOS ANGELES—Two police officers from the Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) said they were pissed off that they had to take the 405 freeway in […]
Johnstown, PA–In the early hours of Christmas morning, Santa Claus helped president-elect Donald J. Trump deliver on his campaign promise to reinvigorate the rust belt’s […]
THE HEAVENS— After scrolling through Facebook over the weekend, God expressed genuine confusion regarding humanity’s reaction to Cuban dictator Fidel Castro’s death. “I thought we […]
WASHINGTON–With Donald J. Trump’s transition team still filling positions in his cabinet, the president-elect has announced the appointment of retired neurosurgeon and former primary rival […]
MILWAUKEE, WI—Cutting off her father as he started to praise the new President-elect, Amy Richardson began a detailed discussion of her sex life. “Hey Dad, […]
Finally, some good news: scientists and cosmologists have recently gotten together to confirm that in one of the infinite parallel worlds predicted by the multiverse […]
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