New Dining Hall Somehow More Pretentious Than B-Plate

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WESTWOOD—In an impressive display of extravagance, UCLA Housing recently unveiled a new dining hall, which is somehow even more pretentious than Bruin Plate. The Study at Hedrick features amenities such as a juice bar, fresh crepes, and a massive table made out of a petrified redwood that is neither short enough to sit at nor tall enough to stand at. “The useless yet aesthetically pleasing nature of our furniture really solidifies The Study’s status as the most pretentious facility on campus. We hope that the atmosphere will make students feel just inadequate enough that they’re inspired to try a little harder in their studies,” said dining coordinator Ethan Nicholes. When asked about the new study lounge and dining facility, second-year Alisha Perez said, “I always felt indulgent when I spent a whole swipe on a smoothie from B Caf, but now I can really waste my parents’ money and spend an entire meal swipe on a cup of kombucha or cold-pressed juice. This is just what I needed to prove to myself that I really belong here in Westwood.” At press time, Perez was found sitting on an unreasonably reclined chair struggling to reach her laptop on the table several feet in front of her.