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Staff Suggestions For Thanksgiving Quarantine Activities

November 26, 2020 Enabler Staff 0

This truly has been an unprecedented year! It is difficult to spend the holidays apart from family, and we at the Westwood Enabler know how […]

BREAKING: Friend Wants To Go Camping

October 12, 2020 Analisa Burns 0

SAN LUIS OBISPO, CA — At 8:36 am PST, Scottie Macadamia compiled a group chat with his peers proposing a weekend trip that will never […]

New York Times Endorses Festering Corpse Of George McGovern For President

January 22, 2020 Dylan Wood 0

NEW YORK — The New York Times editorial board made the unexpected choice Sunday to endorse George McGovern, failed 1972 presidential candidate and rotting corpse, […]

BREAKING: Classmate Said “Zeitgeist”

May 27, 2019 Han Singer 0

WESTWOOD — At 10:33 A.M. today, according to reports, fourth year philosophy major Nathan Braz said “zeitgeist” in a class discussion. Sources stated that the […]

Student Who Never Went To Class Takes Grad Pics On Campus

April 25, 2019 Sam Mallari 0

WESTWOOD —  Amy Allens, fourth-year English student and soon-to-be UCLA alumna, took to Instagram to unveil her array of graduation pictures, poetically taken in front […]

YRL Mountain Lion Diverts Attention From Powell Cat

April 2, 2019 Carl Hatch 0

WESTWOOD — After a mountain lion was noticed taking residence in the bushes adjacent to Young Research Library (YRL), many students have taken to the […]

Ninth Circle Of Hell Just Murphy Hall

February 5, 2019 Nathan Glovinsky 0

VATICAN CITY — At a recent papal summit, Pope Francis confirmed that Murphy Hall lies within the boundaries of Hell’s most treacherous and damning circle. “You might […]

Breaking: Professor Enters Classroom With Saxophone

January 27, 2019 Nathan Grovhoug 0

WESTWOOD, 10:07 a.m. — Westwood Enabler reporters have obtained disturbing reports from campus administration that a professor has entered the Boelter Hall amphitheatre with a […]

Sunset Ruined By Lousy Stinkin’ Tree

January 18, 2019 Nathan Glovinsky 0

P: It Is Our Duty To Pick Up Fallen Bird Scooters / CP: No

November 4, 2018 Nathan Glovinsky 0

P: It Is Our Duty To Pick Up Fallen Bird Scooters By Edgar Montgomery Smith As residents of Westwood, it is our collective responsibility to […]

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