“Just Do It” And 4 Other Things To Say To Your Sweatshop Workers
Sweatshop workers not sweating enough? Don’t sweat it, because the Westwood Enabler has you covered with these original motivational lines! Never tell them that no […]
Sweatshop workers not sweating enough? Don’t sweat it, because the Westwood Enabler has you covered with these original motivational lines! Never tell them that no […]
TUSCANY — Pinocchio, despite his lifelong wish to become a real boy, has announced he rescinds his statement and would like to become a wooden […]
Yesterday, I was walking back to campus after enjoying a delicious $15 salad at Tendergreens when a homeless man looked right into my eyes and […]
WESTWOOD RETIREMENT HOME — Alleged UCLA student Trevor Child unintentionally revealed his true, prehistoric identity this week when he used the antiquated term “Covel” instead […]
NESTLE HEADQUARTERS — After the human rights organization International Rights Advocates filed legal action against Nestle alleging the use of child slave labor, Nestle CEO […]
WESTWOOD — In response to persistent questions about their hiring practices, Duffl has made public their employment qualifications, which include not fearing God. “Our ideal […]
WESTWOOD — Local amateur chef Miles Thompson has been catapulted into stardom overnight after he correctly eyeballed the proper amount of pasta for two. “Honestly, […]
CHICAGO — Responding to investor pressures to expand its customer base, Suave announced Thursday a new 5-in-1 shampoo, conditioner, body wash, personal lubricant, and meal […]
VATICAN CITY — The Catholic Church has publicly amended its long held opposition to homosexuality in favor of condemning the most unnatural of abominations: lactaid. […]
WESTWOOD — Off-campus student Jess Rodgers expressed frustration Tuesday after learning that Earth did not have dining halls everywhere and that she needed to find […]
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