Epstein Island Thanksgiving Seating Chart Only Kids’ Tables
LITTLE SAINT JAMES — The latest low-resolution document dump of the Epstein Files revealed a 2004 Thanksgiving seating chart consisting of only kids’ tables. “Some […]
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Antisemitism Is Over! Trump Administration Cuts Funding From Cancer Research
WESTWOOD — After the Trump administration justified cutting research funding to UCLA by citing concerns of antisemitism, Jews and Gentiles alike were shocked when the […]
Opinion: Suck It, Pre-Meds! Now We’re All Going To Be Unemployed
It finally happened. Despite being so against equity and inclusion, Trump finally did something to level the playing field between you pre-meds and us humanities, […]
Worst Couple You Know Breaks Up
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Yesterday, the two worst people you know ended their months-long situationship. “All men do is cheat, lie, and make massive, outrageous, pork-filled […]
“Counting To 10” And Other Woke Ideologies Sesame Street Is Using To Indoctrinate Your Kids
Well, it’s official: President Trump has signed an executive order cutting funding to PBS. And thank the canonically white God, because the hit kids’ show […]
Trend Watch: Withdrawing All Your Money From The Bank
WESTWOOD — In light of the recent economic chaos brought about by the Trump administration’s sweeping tariffs, many on social media have taken to a […]
Great Depression Preemptively Named “World Depression One”
WASHINGTON, D.C. – This morning, The White House announced via executive order the official renaming of The Great Depression to “World Depression One.” “It’s important […]
J.D. Vance Just Happy To Be Included In Group Chat For Once
WASHINGTON, D.C. — When reached for comment about his inclusion in the Houthi PC Small Group Signal chat, Vice President J.D. Vance admitted he was […]
Julio Frenk Fires Self In Compliance With UCLA’s New Anti-Diversity Hiring Policies
WESTWOOD – This morning, Julio Frenk showed his dedication to following UCLA’s new anti-diversity hiring policies by firing himself. “When I was hired, there was […]
Elon Musk Relegated To Cuck Chair At Trump Billionaire Orgy
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Seating arrangements at the weekly Trump billionaire orgy have revealed that Elon Musk has been relegated to the cuck chair. “Guys, can […]