Well, it’s official: President Trump has signed an executive order cutting funding to PBS. And thank the canonically white God, because the hit kids’ show “Sesame Street” has spent its entire runtime sneaking radical, left-wing subliminal messaging into its programming in order to brainwash young American audiences, like teaching them letters like “C”, “R”, and “T.” So, let’s unpack some of these woke talking points before Elmo starts advocating that we need universal healthcare to cover all your kids’ boo-boos.
1. Counting to 10.
In the immortal words of Donald Trump, we need to STOP THE COUNT. Why do the patriots of tomorrow need to learn how to count to 10? Do the liberals intend to teach our kids to count all the phony genders they have? Who needs to learn math, anyway? There’s no need to teach frivolous things like “how to add two numbers together” if we have calculators! If we didn’t do something, in the next season of “Sesame Street,” Grover would have explained what a 10% tariff on all imported goods means.
2. Sharing is caring.
“Having empathy for others” is a concept created by the loony left to try and guilt me into signing along with their pro-welfare, pro-handout agenda. And “sharing is caring” is just PBS’s way of shoving their socialist p-BS down my throat.
3. C is for “Cookie.”
You know what else starts with “co” and would have the same number of letters as “cookie” if you got rid of some letters? Communism. And that’s NOT good enough for me.
4. Whatever the hell Bert and Ernie had going on is normal.
Those Muppets lived in the same rent-controlled apartment. The least the show could’ve done was tell us outright if they’re one of them homos. Leaving their relationship vague and open-ended surely must be Sesame Street’s way of teaching critical thinking skills, or whatever other nonsense they’re teaching in elementary schools these days. (I wouldn’t know, I flunked out of the second grade.)
5. New York is the greatest city in the world.
This one’s the most subliminal of all the messages, but “Sesame Street” is actually a front to try and trick young minds into thinking New York City isn’t a crime-infested hellhole. But guess what? Big Bird is 8’2” which, according to a Facebook post I saw, is just as tall as Osama bin Laden was. Open your eyes, sheeple! And Oscar might call himself a Grouch, but we know he’s nothing more than a Muppet. Where have we seen the Muppets before? That’s right, SNL. And you know who was on SNL right after Big Bird bin Laden orchestrated 9/11? Former mayor Rudy Giuliani. It’s all connected! “Sesame Street” takes place in a fictional part of New York, and frankly, I wish the rest of the city was fictional too.
